This weekend has been lovely. We really haven't done much, we didn't make any plans and just did what we felt like. For me, it feels like my weekend starts on a Friday. We're always all in a really good mood knowing the weekend is imminent and that when hubby finishes work at 4.30pm, we've got him to ourselves for a couple days. On Friday Indie had her first afternoon back at preschool and

On Friday afternoon I found myself with a spare half hour before we had to leave to take Indie to preschool. I thought I'd share a bit of an insight into the way my brain works, and why the 'little things' are infact huge steps forward on the way to recovery. I am a huge advocate for celebrating the little victories, and on Friday, well...

Anxiety:     ''No you can’t take both kids for a walk with your dog that dislikes other dogs, cats & postmen etc''

Anxiety:     ''It’s about to rain, it’ll be chaotic, oh the prams still in the car that hubbys took to work what a perfect excuse not to go''

Anxiety:     ''Harry will run into the road, the dog will try to eat a cat, you won’t have time before you have to leave to get Indie to preschool'' 

Anxiety:     ''You won’t be able to handle two kids and the dog...''

Me:      F' you anxiety

Cara 1 - Anxiety Nil

So yes, we went out for a walk and it was lovely. Harry held my hand ALL the way round, infact he was so well behaved that I let him run up the huge hill with Indie and have a bit of freedom. We didn't bump into any dogs, or cats, or postmen, and Indie was elated to be able to walk Pink herself.

Anxiety is an odd thing. I have no issue with walking Pink, or taking the  kids out on my own and quite often go out with all of them without batting an eye, but it's funny how one slight change in 'routine' or habit can trigger a huge anxiety attack, likely caused on Saturday by the simple fact that the pram wasn't at home and I'd usually have Harry in the pram just to make things easier for myself. Slowly but surely I'm getting there though.

On Saturday we decided to get up and out early (we actually left the house at 8.30am) and made our way into town for a browse with the kids. We had free reign of pretty much all shops as they were empty & were welcomed into Lush to get Indie her first bath bomb by lovely staff who got stuck in by demoing anything & everything Indie liked the look of. She was covered in gold glitter & jelly bath bomb and ended up leaving with her very own diamond bath bomb ‘the experimenter’. I’ll be honest in saying the smell of everything gave me a headache & wasn’t for me (unpopular opinion I know) but the smile on Indies face when she dropped her bath bomb in the water was priceless.

On Sunday we had a really lovely slow day. We popped out to get some fresh bread (and a huge Lemon Tart may have accidentally on purpose fallen into our basket). We made the house a mess and then tidied it up again. We dozed on the sofa and snuggled under blankets and generally just enjoyed each others company.

Looking forward into the week ahead, it's the first week back to proper routine following Indie returning to preschool after the Christmas break. Tomorrow is her first full day back and I haven't made any plans in the hope that I can see where the day takes me, and Harry! I spent a little longer doing my 'evening clean-up' tonight so that I really don't have much to do tomorrow and can enjoy the morning with the kids before Indie's off to preschool. 

On Tuesday I've made plans to see my cousin and her little boy. I haven't seen my cousin since my wedding almost five years ago and whilst I'd thought about asking her if she fancied a catch up, anxiety has kind of kept me from committing to any plans. So I'm glad I'm making steps in the right direction and I'm looking forward to getting back into routine and making new plans too.

Little victories!

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