When I was pregnant I never even thought about the fact that I might’ve ended up having to have caesarean section.The thought never crossed my mind, call me naive but I just never thought it would happen to me.

Forty one hours after my waters broke and at the end of 10 hours of contractions I was told that Indie’s head was bouncing off my cervix at a weird angle, that she was in distress and the blood test revealed that her oxygen levels were dangerously low. I was told I would need an emergency cesarean and was rushed to theatre. It’s hard to put into words the way I felt at the time. Ultimately Indie’s health was my priority so I had no hesitation in agreeing, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn't totally gutted that I wasn't going to be experiencing a natural birth like I had first thought. I just wish now that I had been more prepared and more aware of the procedure and the recovery. 

There were alot of people in the theatre. There were anesthetists, doctors, surgeons, midwives, pediatric doctors and staff ready and waiting. I felt very out of my depth. I’m a shy person who suffers anxiety at the best of times but my fear was heightened with the knowledge that everything was totally out of my control.

Indie was born a few short minutes after being prepped for theatre, my Epidural had not fully taken effect and it was very painful but she needed to be born urgently. I can imagine that it would have been a little different and felt less painful had I been able to focus on the happiness that surrounded the birth of my daughter but after 3 short cries our baby stopped breathing. I was hysterical as they resuscitated her.

They managed to get her breathing and immediately took her to NICU whilst I was stitched up and taken to recovery. Indie was born at 5.49pm, I didn't meet her until 6am the following day.

The recovery was tougher than I thought. I like to think that I've got quite a high pain threshold and am quite driven and determined but I was taken aback by the restrictions that came with cesarean recovery. They say it takes 6 weeks before you can resume ‘normal’ activity, and by lord you need to stick to it. Walking from one room to the other was agony and a simple task like feeding your child puts so much strain on your stomach it’s unreal. It took so much effort just to get through the day and I dreaded needing to cough or sneeze, and was petrified of needing the toilet.

It’s so un-nerving, you get the constant feeling that the stitches are going to break and your stomach feels like it might fall out. Aswell as this, the overlap of skin combined with post-baby belly really makes you feel that you will look like Frankenstein's monster forever. After a few weeks that feeling goes and your left with just the pain. The stitches make everything very tight and sore but it gets easier every day and after 6 weeks I slowly started to do simple tasks with alot more ease.

For a good few months I held onto the thought that I was a failure for not being able to deliver my daughter naturally and used to question whether I could have done more to help deliver her naturally. But my body did everything it could possibly do but medical intervention was needed to make sure my daughter was delivered quickly and safely.

Truth is, there is alot they do not tell you about caesarean sections. Like a week after getting home a nurse coming to remove my stitches when the ‘my stomach might fall out’ feeling is still there and being petrified, like the fact that for 3 weeks straight I had to inject myself daily to prevent a blood clot and that in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep through the pain even though you want nothing more than to. There really is so much they don’t tell you. But a year later my scar is hardly visible, I have both physically and mentally recovered and it really is a distant memory. I still wish I could have experienced a natural birth, but my daughter is here, shes healthy and we're happy.

14 months postpartum


  1. Births can be so traumatic but your so positive about it because ultimately it got you your beautiful baby out safely and they sorted her to be healthy! I too had a csection, mine was planned as Amelia was breech and it wasn't the greatest section but a year and a half later and I basically don't have a scar any more. Yours is looking great too! I remember being really surprised how many people were in the theatre but there must have been so many more in for you!! Thanks for linking up #MummyMonday hopefully see you again tomorrow!:) Alice- host x

  2. Ahh I had an emergency c-section and reading this has brought it all back :( it is horrible and I agree they don't tell you anything really. It is good for people to share their experiences as everyone is so different. Some of my friends had it easy compared to me..

    I remember on my little green pregnancy book on my birth plan it stated "no c-section unless absolute emergency" I was completely against being cut open as I was terrified. But of course my bad luck, I had to have one. I admit my c-section was worse case scenario as it took me a lot longer than 6 weeks to recover, mine was almost 6 months. My c-section caused scar tissue damage on my liver which caused gallstones which had to be removed 2.5 years after. I still get pains from my c-section now 4 years on. I dread to think of going through another one day! :(

    thankyou for joining in with #mummymonday - love Gemma - host xo